Sincere is the better serious

I am currently in exam preparation. Thus, I decided to publish today two Ideas that I discovered this week without necessarily turning them into a full-blown article.

On friendships

The first thing I learned this week concerns the importance of friendships. One obvious reason to have friends is to not feel alone. It is comfortable to spend time with your friends. The mere interaction brings joy. But that's nothing too special about them. Strangers or people we don't know well can provide that also. You can have a deep and insightful conversation with a stranger you meet at a party.

More significant about our friends is, they know us well and can tell us things that hurt. Hard truths. Only in more mature friendships you'll encounter that. It's unpleasant not only for you, but for everyone involved–given it's done with the right intention.

Because those are things nobody else will tell you, you cannot miss out on them.

The more our interactions take place on social media, the harder to build such a friendship. At the same time, you don't show everything on the internet, just the things you want people to see. Even if they were willing to confront you, they wouldn't know what's wrong.

Make the effort to befriend people well enough so that you are willing to tell each other hard truths.

On the difference between sincerity and seriousness

Another insight I came across this week has to do with the discrimination between being serious and being sincere.

This is an idea I got when I stumbled across an article in which concepts and wisdoms of the philosopher Alan Watts were featured. He was known for saying things like “I am always sincere, but never serious".

I guess what he means when he refers to a state of seriousness is one that is characterised by rigidity, and over-identification with roles or ideas. Seriousness is likely motivated by ego or the urge to control outcomes.

Seriousness is sometimes needed, when there are things we feel the need to fight for. Most often when we play finite games. Things that we engage in to have them end in one way or the other.

Sincerity, on the other hand, is about authenticity and openness. Watts viewed sincerity as a state of being true to one's nature while remaining flexible and playful. It's not about being less ambitious. It's about engaging your ambition from a point of curiosity.

Sincerity might be more useful than seriousness when we play infinite games. Games that we play not to end the game, but to keep playing. This is true for a lot of more meaningful things in life. We then benefit from not being too overinvested into one outcome but adapting quick and keeping a broader picture.

I take myself serious frequently, which makes it harder to start things and keep them going when I don't meet certain standards. I feel this know especially during the exam preparation. Most often, done would beat perfect. And the closest to perfect, you don't get by fantasising about what that would look like, but by starting and adjusting.

I guess I will benefit from the distinction of being sincere and being serious. How about you?

That's all for today. Until soon!